TONYA

We're off to see the Wizard. Sally needs a new roommie, Tonya needs some sanity, Poopsie needs a new puter, Dee needs stamps, Jessica needs her true love, and Zarbon needs to become visible to other people. But we
can't find Toto, the ruby slippers, or the yellow brick road. Glenda is five hours late and these munchkins are driving Poopsie nuts because they are taller then she is. And the Lollipop Guild is hitting on Dee. The Wicked Witch has Knut, and Sally's pants are missing, so she must wear a kilt (with or without panties, I shall not ask). And since she borrowed it from a munchkin, it only comes to five inches above her knees.

POOPSIE

Suddenly, unable to take being around the very tall midgets... Poopsie started to search for their little friend Toto....

SALLY

After finding a suitable pair of pants to wear, Sally, being the curious blonde she is, convinced the group that they should head down the red brick road, and find out where it leads. Tonya stood on the beginning spiral with Jed, and was waiting for everyone else to stand on the narrow part of the road.

"GUYZ!!" they shouted, "The road starts here!" But the others were already off a ways because they didn't bother with the petty twirling of the road. Suddenly they came to a fork in the road.

DEE

To the left is a ferocious bear.... to the right is a midget munchkin (finally someone shorter than Poopsie) riding an oversized chicken. The girls head to the right and hop on the extra chickens... the munchkin, who happens to have hot pink hair, says that he knows the way to the wizard and river of chocolate...what had they to loose? If they didn't find the wizard at least they could fill up on chocolate.

JED

They continued to follow the midget munchkin (whom Poopsie teased HORRENDOUSLY because he was ACTUALLY SHORTER than her!). Soon, the girls and the chickens and the munchkin came to a wooded area. On the trees were lots and lots of raisins. Automatically, Sally and Jed pulled out umbrellas from a stand on the side of the road. The rest of the girls, the chickens, and the munchkin looked at them weird. But they soon knew why
the umbrellas were necessary as the raisins began to fall at a rapid pace.

"RAISIN HAIL!" screamed all of them. They knew it was the evil workings of the Wicked Witch through the all-powerful Knut, who was helpless in her grasp.

TONYA

"I hate raisins", Tonya cried, "and some of them aren't totally dried up. Yuck!!" Suddenly she disappeared from the view of the others.

"Tonya? Where be you?" Sally and Poopsie asked at the same time. Poopsie and Sally were huddled under one umbrella, while Jed, Dee, and the Midget munchkin were hiding under the other. They peered through the falling raisins, worried about their missing friend.

"You don't think the witch grabbed her somehow, do you?" puzzled Jed.

"On the count of three," said Dee, "One, two, three."

"TONYA!!!" they chorused.

"What?? I didn't do it!!!" called a familiar voice, very near their position.

"Where are you?" Poopsie replied.

"Right here," came the answer as Tonya's head suddenly appeared. And that was all that appeared. "I'm hiding under Zarbon's cape so I don't get all gunked up! Can we please get out of here now?"

POOPSIE

"I agree," complained Poopsie. "I am getting raisins in my pigtails."

So down the road the troop trotted. Suddenly they came upon a small building. Poopsie and the Midget grinned at each other because the midget had told Poopsie about this magic place... this wasn't just any building... it was actually a SHRINKING MACHINE!!!

"How about you guys go in check it out," Poopsie said with a sly grin on her face... The others went into the building and when they came out... they were all SHORTER THAN THE MIDGET... and more importantly... SHORTER THAN POOPSIE.... SO TAKE THAT !!!!!!!!!!!!  MUWAHAHAHAHAAHA!!!!!!!!

SALLY

"Cool!" exclaimed Sally, "What an awesome perspective on the world. Now I understand Poopsie so much better!"
Poopsie shot the 'look of death' towards her, as the others just chuckled.

The Midget turned to Poopsie and asked her if he should squash the tiny group and then they could run off together into the woods. Poopsie looked at him in disgust... "Yuck... my best friends are under 3 inches tall and
you want to squish them... you're sick! And I wouldn't run off with you if you were the tallest man left!"

The Munchkin mounted his chicken and rode off down the path. "Wait," they yelled after him, "How are we supposed to unshrink?" But his chicken had all ready carried him far off down the path.

"Maybe we should follow him," said Dee "And kick in his tiny little buttocks!"

Tonya shrieked as a gigantic spider (well gigantic because she was less than 3 inches tall) started crawling toward her. "EEEEK!" But just as it was about to get her one of the chickens pecked down and devoured it. The other chickens came and saw the little people and thought that they looked like tasty bugs. They began pecking at them.

DEE

At once Dee jumped forward and shouted at the top of her tiny three-inch voice "BAGOK!!!"

Tonya, Sally, Poopsie, and Jed suddenly understood- they all shouted in unison "BAGOK!!!" The chickens stopped dead in their tracks and fell to their knees at the feet of Dee.

"Greetings my fellow friends I am the one who created your great leader, THE CHICKEN AVENGER...weep in agony and beg for our forgiveness." All of the chickens exalted Dee and her fearless friends begging for their mercy. Of course they granted it. "Now my worthy chicken companions," said Dee, “tell me how the F#$%! we F@#$%&* unshrink ourselves."

Poopsie thought momentarily then eyeballed Dee. "Okay, Okay," Dee said, "and also how to unshrink Poopsie who never really shrunk in the first place…”

JED

So the girls followed the chickens to a huge house. There, they were instructed to just go inside, spin around 3 times, yell BAGOK as loudly as possible, and walk out---They would be normal sized again. So, they went into the house. They all performed the ritual and walked out. Once outside, the girls were back to normal! Yet, something seemed out of place.

"Is it just me, or...POOPSIE!" exclaimed Sally. Poopsie had joined the girls in the house and was now a wonderful  5' 4" tall!

”Poopsie,” cried Dee. "You're NORMAL NOW!" Poopsie just grinned. She felt so tall now! And in the house, it had made her HAIR longer too, now it was longer than Tonya's, but still in pigtails.

TONYA

"Whoa!!!! Poopsie love your Poopsietails!!! Hmmm, could it be??? Your hair may actually be longer than mine now!! We should check!"

"Your just jealous Tonya", Jed said, "you KNOW it is longer than yours."

Tonya pouted for a minute, and glared at the ground, murmuring, "I just wanna check. I just wanna check."

"What are you muttering, Tonya?” Zarbon asked worriedly, for the last time she had that look she had locked him in the garage for a week (he had deserved it for what he had said).

"I said, that I just wanted to check." Tonya said, slightly whining, "I've had the longest hair of the group for about five years now, and I don't like my throne being usurped by magic. I'm glad that Poopsie taller now, but I like having the longest hair of the five. It just doesn't seem fair,” she concluded with a sigh.

"Well darling, then let's compare our hair." Poopsie drawled in a southern accent. Zarbon pulled out two brushes from the pack on his back and gave one to Poopsie and one to Tonya. After brushing their hair thoroughly, the
two stood back to back.

"YEAH!!!” Jed cried out, "I was right!!! Poopsie's hair is longer than Tonya’s!!!"

"Not so fast Jed." Sally replied, "Look again."

"Huh? What?" Jed asked.

"Don't you see???" Sally frowned at her.

"Ohhhh, I do!" Zarbon exclaimed looking quite pleased with himself.

"So do I,” said Dee.

"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT??" Jed yelled in frustration.

"Their hair is the same length. Exactly the same." Sally replied.

"Nooo, Poopsie's is longer. You can plainly see that." Jed said getting more annoyed.

"No it isn’t." Dee said, "Poopsie is still two inches shorter than Tonya. So they look about the same height. This also makes Poopsie's hair appear longer. It's an optical illusion. Their hair is the same length."

Jed stood there for a minute blinking, then said "Okay, whatever. Can we go now? I'm getting hungry!"

"Me, too." the other chorused, and so they moved on down the trail looking for some thing to eat.

POOPSIE

So down the merrily winding road the girls went in search of food...before long they came to a Subway. 

"Oh look!" Poopsie said "A Subway!" and proceeded to skip happily down the road, the others trailing behind her... even as hungry as they were they were not as excited as Poopsie to see her favorite restaurant.   The girls
went in and ordered their food. 

Poopsie ordered a deli turkey sandwich, but the mean little munchkin behind the counter just gave her a dirty look "We have no deli turkey here."

"Ooookay..." Poopsie said, her eyes wandering the menu, "How about a Chicken Salad?"

"We have no Chicken Salads here,” said the little man again.

Poopsie eyed the little man in the visor behind the counter.

"Riiiiiighhht" She said "How about a..."

"We have nothing here!" And then the little man let out an evil laugh "MUAHHAHHAHHA" Suddenly, the walls of the Subway began to melt away to reveal what looked like some sort of demented fun house at a carnival... The little man behind the counter changed to, from a scary little munchkin to BoBo the evil clown.

"He tricked us!" Shouted Sally.

"Run!" Shouted Tonya.

"Huh?" Asked Jed, a confused look covered her face as she tilted her head to the side a little.

"RUNNN!" Shouted Dee! She pushed Jed out the door in front of her as the girls ran out into the daylight only to find that the sky and everything thing around them, including the girls was in black and white... above them, thunder crashed as an ominous storm approached... suddenly the joyous adventure down the red brick road had turned into a (dun dun dun...) horror movie!

SALLY

"AHHHHHHHH!" Yelled Sally. The others looked at her with a look of disbelief. "Sorry," Sally shrugged. "It seemed appropriate."

The girls walked down the red brick road, which was now a dark shade of gray just like everything else. Up on a high hill near the road was scary mansion. With the lightning crashing behind it, it looked like property of Dr. Frankenstein or something.

"LOOK!" Tonya pointed to it. "If we’re in a horror movie now, we can't just pass by the spooky old mansion, we have to go in."

Jed shot a worried glance at everyone, hoping someone would share her uneasiness about the suggestion. 

"Makes sense to me." Dee replied.

"Knut would want us to avenge his Peeler napping in a heroic manner."

Sally added, "I agree, when in a horror movie, all common sense goes out the window."

"Ready?" Asked Tonya.

"Lets go,” replied Sally.

They approached the large house by way of the long footpath that wound its way up the mountainous hill. They arrived at the front steps. The large doors loomed above them, as the big brass  doorknockers, carved in gargoylish shapes, glared at them. Tonya started to reach for the knocker’s handle. Jed fidgeted then covered her eyes. Poopsie gabbed hold of the ends of her Poopsietails. Dee was cutting off the circulation in Sally’s arm with her white knuckled hands, while Sally smiled giddily with antici...........................................................................
pation. Then the door OPENED! CREEEEEAAAAAAAAAKK!

DEE

A huge 7-foot tall man with slick black hair and a tuxedo stood before them. “Your arrival has been expected, you are over half an hour late, the master will be displeased,” he said in a low and imposing tone. The girls all looked at one another trying to guess what would happen next. "Get inside and follow me,” he demanded fervently. JED gulped in fear, Poopsie turned white and everyone huddled together as they stepped inside the house. Beginning their decent up a drafty staircase, the old wood boards creaked and moaned.

"We're all going to die," Sally exclaimed half sarcastically.

At the top of the stairs a large oak door loomed. "Creepy," said Poopsie.

The doors swung open to reveal a desk and chair about 11 feet away. The back of the chair was facing them. "Oh, well isn't this typical," Dee announced to Sally.

“You know all horror movies are predictable," Sally replied. "Not all horror movies," the butler said ominously as he left the room.

"Ah, what the hell, let's go crazy," Dee declared as she darted toward the desk. Grabbing the back of the chair the girls all took a deep breath, quickly she turned the chair, "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! they all screamed in terror...it was Tim Curry in drag!

JED

"What in the fucking hell are YOU doing here?" Dee asked as she gained back her breath. The other girls slowly peaked around Dee.  

"It's Tim Curry in DRAG!!!" JED whispered to Sally. Who then passed it on to Poopsie. Who then passed it on to Tonya.

Then, a 4' midget climbed off the chair.  "Well, who did you think it was...Freddie Kruger?"

Sally elbowed JED and whispered to her, "I thought you said it was Tim Curry in DRAG? Not a midget in drag!"

He walked pass Dee and stood amidst the girls, who stood around with confused and shocked looks on their faces. He smiled at each of them, but stopped when he came to Poopsie. His smile quickly turned to a frown.

"What?!?" Poopsie asked him.

"You grew. You're TALLER!" he replied. He then sighed and hung his head. "After several horrible movies and not much success of late, I was condemned to be this short."

Poopsie just laughed at him and nodded her head. "Ah, yeah," she said, grinning.

"You never answered my question Tim," Dee said. The girls followed Tim as he made his way to the dining room.
"Please," he told them. "Sit." Each sat down in a chair around the dining room table. It was a long table. The girls were spread around it, with Dee at the foot of the table and Tim at the head. He sat on a stack of phonebooks so he could reach the table with ease. All of a sudden, a door on the side of the dining room opened. A woman with dark, dark hair and dark makeup with pale skin set a goblet filled with wine in front of each of them. Tim nodded to the woman as she shuffled back to the kitchen. He took up his goblet and the girls did the same. "One of you is going to die tonight," he said, his voice suddenly growing deep and mysterious.

Lightening flashed through the window and the thunder clapped around them. "I don't know who has the goblet, but one of them is laced with arsenic. We will only know once whoever has it drinks from it." The lightning
flashed again. "So, go ahead and drink," he continued. He raised his goblet. The girls just looked at each other and raised their goblets in the air to toast also. Then they each took a sip, and set the goblet down.
Soon, a choking sound was heard in the room.

TONYA

The group turned to Tonya who was now coughing and sputtering. She slumped back in her chair with a look of pain crossing her face. She was pale and breathing deeply, her eyes closed.

"Oh my gosh," Sally whispered, “Tonya? Are you...Alright?"

Suddenly, Tonya's eyes flew open as she jumped out of the chair. Running to the trashcan by the wall, Tonya began to throw up. Unseen by the others, Zarbon stood at her side holding her hair and rubbing her back.
Finally, she managed to get her stomach back under control. Breathing hard, brushing tears from her eyes, she stood up. "Forgot I can't have wine." she said, "Damn meds."

The group looked at one another. "The poison should have worked by now."

Tim frowned, "Beth!" The dark woman who brought the wine reentered. "Beth do you know which glass had the poison in it?"

Beth's eyes went wide, "Poison, Master? You said nothing of poison, Master?" "I called you and told you to lace one of the glasses with arsenic!" Curry yelled.

Beth shook her head, "You told me to lace the cars and quick. And that is what I did."

"Damn cell phone static." Tim grumbled, “I knew I should gotten a sprint PCS phone."

POOPSIE

"In any event" said Tim, "I have other ways of dealing with you. Come." He jumped off the chair and went into the hall. The girls, knowing better than to follow him, followed him anyway.

"Where are you taking us?" Asked Jed.

"To the" he paused for effect and gave an evil smile the way only Tim Curry could do. "Lab. I have some experiments to run, and you are the guinea pigs."

As soon as he said that, the girls turned and tried to run the other way, only to find Beth standing behind them with a laser gun. "I don't think so."  

The girls looked at each other and knew that there was no chance to escape. Soon, they found themselves all strapped to separate tables, with something on their heads that looked a bit like a big bowl with lights on
it and cords connected to it. Tim was wearing a blue lab coat, a thick blue belt with a cell phone attached to it and matching blue rubber gloves that went up to his elbow.

"Now, the first thing we are going to do." He  paused and turned to JED "Is to see what would happen if we were to take your brain out and replace it with someone else’s." He looked around to the other girls and grinned at  Tonya. "Then we will put her brain in you."

Suddenly, the phone attached to Tim's phone rang. "I'll only be a minute ladies."

While he was talking, something dawned on Poopsie." Hey guys, I think I know a way out of this."

"What?" asked Sally.

"Well, we are super heroes, aren't we? Why don't we use our powers to get out of this?"

SALLY

"Makes sense to me," Sally stated. She glanced over at the laser gun Beth was holding. And the fingers of her mind wrapped around it, tearing it from her grasp.  The gun flew to Tonya, who caught it.

“Why did the gun come to me?" she asked.

"Because you're the one who knows how to handle them properly."

Tonya held the laser gun on Beth as the girls exited the room and ran from the mansion.

Dee looked back as they entered a dark forest. "Tim is chasing after us!" She yelled to the others.

Tonya turned and aimed the laser gun. A shot lit up the dark woods and exploded in a white light as it hit a tall tree. The tree began to sway.

"The tree is going to fall!" Yelled Jed. Poopsie who was leading the group through the forest, suddenly stopped. Sally almost smacked into her. Jed stopped just in time, as did Dee and Tonya. There in front of them was a
large black river: The River of Chocolate.

DEE

"FREEZE!" Dee exclaimed. Everyone stopped and stared.

"We're being chased by a brain swapping drag queen and you suggest that we freeze," Jed squealed, "are you crazy?"

Dee smiled, "of course." She pulled off her leather jacket and turned to face little Tim. "Oh, Tim," she called batting her eyelashes.

Tim screeched to a halt and stared wide eyed at the brazen beauty. Boy that baldhead sure was sexy. "Yes, my leather clad vixen..." he swooned.  "How about you let us borrow your boat," she stroked his chin," and let us
cross this luscious river of chocolate." He snapped his fingers and sent Beth for the boat, "Any thing for you." As soon as the boat arrived, the girls all jumped in. Patti batted her eyelashes at little Tim once again before they sped off into the distance.

Dee sighed, "He was rather cute." The others just glared back at her.

JED

"Cute doesn't quite describe him, Dee," Tonya said, steering Tim Curry's boat towards the shoreline. "Odd is more like it."

"Hey, guys!" JED called out to her friends. Everyone except Tonya, who was still steering the boat, ran towards the front of the boat where JED stood. Once gathered around her, JED grinned and said, "Watch this!" JED
then proceeded to place her hand over the side of the boat and let a finger drag in the melted chocolate that the boat moved through. In a few seconds, she pulled her finger out and her hand up and stuck the chocolate
covered finger in her mouth to lick off the chocolate. The eyes of all the girls got big and their mouths slightly opened.

"Let's see if we can find a cup or a bowl to do that with!" Sally said. She raced to the other end of the boat, finding only a broken candy dish sitting on the floor of the boat. "I think this will work," she said. Just as she was about to let the bowl drag in the melted chocolate, the boat suddenly lurched forward and stopped. No one had been holding on tight and soon Poopsie went flying into the River of Chocolate!

"OH MY GOSH!" Sally exclaimed.

"I'll try to find a rope!" Dee hollered out as she ran back to the other end of the boat.

"No, wait! Look!" Tonya said, pointing to the shoreline. The girls all gasped when they saw Poopsie being sucked up a huge tube that was filled with melted chocolate from the river. All of a sudden, two little orange men with green hair stepped from behind the tube. One of them motioned for the girls to get off the boat and follow them.

As they got off the boat, the girls saw that everything that surrounded them was made of sugar or candy of some sort.

"I wonder where the lickable wallpaper is," Tonya wondered aloud as they moved forward with the little men leading them.

TONYA

The umpah-loopahs gestured for them to follow them through a large gingerbread door in the side of a gumdrop brick wall. In the hallway beyond, a strange man waited for them. He was dressed in a blue and purple suit with a cane and a top hat.  

“Welcome.” the man said with a bow. “I am William Wonka. Now please follow me.” He began to walk away and they followed him. “We have lots of time and little to see.” Mr. Wonka stopped and turned. “Scratch that and turn
it around.”

Then began to walk again. Sally said, “Mr. Wonka. Are friend fell in the Chocolate River and was sucked up in a pipe.”  

Wonka just kept walking. “I know dear girl. Do not worry about your friend. She is safe and you will be reunited with her shortly.” Large red doors swung open at their approach admitting the group to a large laboratory filled with the smell and colors of candy. Mr. Wonka began to point out various different machines that produced all kinds of candy from everlasting gobstoppers to nerds. The group was allowed to taste various candies that were due to be newly released to the market. Pulling on a rope, he unveiled his latest invention.

“Vanishing Lollipops and Materializing Gumdrops.” he said proudly. The girls reached to sample the new treat, but Mr. Wonka stopped them. “I haven’t worked out all the bugs yet. The Lollipops make you disappear okay. But the Gumdrops don’t properly bring you back.”

“What do you mean?” asked Tonya.

“Whatever color of gumdrop you eat, you change that color. Permanently.” He replied. Suddenly a light blue gumdrop with emerald green  stripes flew from the bin of candy. It floated in the air for a minute before disappearing.

“What the fuck?” Dee said. Slowly a shape began to form right next to Tonya. It became clearer and clearer until finally Zarbon was completely visible to the group. He brushed a stray lock of his green hair out of his face, and smiled at the group.

“I don’t believe it.” Jed said.

“See! I’m not nuts.” Tonya exclaimed gleefully. Zarbon smirked then caught her hand and spun her around before pulling her close and dipping her. Still smiling, Zarbon kissed her deeply, easily maintaining the dip.

POOPSIE

The other girls looked on in amazement, their mouths hanging down to the floor.

"You mean he is REAL???" Jed said in shock.

Tonya grinned like a Cheshire cat and nodded. "As real as you."

"Poopsie will never believe this." Sally shook her head and stared at the blue figure in front of them.

Mr. Wonka stared at Zarbon and shook his head. "Tsk, tsk, tsk. I told you to not eat the gumdrops."

"Hey, where is Poopsie anyway?" asked Dee.

"She is fine. We can meet her in the next room." Mr. Wonka said. He pulled out a small flute, played a catchy little tune and four oompah lumpas came in and took each of the girls by the hand and led them to the next room...

SALLY

In the next room the girls saw many pipes leading in. Each poured mass quantities of the dark candy into big twirling bins. These bins separated the chocolate into its various colors (dark, milk, white) and ran them through different shaped spouts where molded candies came out on conveyor belts. A large person size candy sat near a conveyor belt with the orange oompah lumpas standing around it, scratching their green hair and tugging at the straps of their white overalls. The girls ran to it. 

Mr. Wonka scattered the oompah lumpas and peered at the Poopsie-shaped chocolate. Then Wonka knocked on the top of the chocolate Poopsie's head.

"Hello," he called leaning over and speaking to the candy ear. Then he addressed the rest of the group, "Just give a couple of nibbles girls and you'll find that inside is a special treat."

The girls looked at each other oddly, until Dee broke the silence. "C'mon, it's just chocolate, we have to eat it away to find the Poopsie inside."

She walked up to the Chocolate Poopsie and sunk her teeth into the arm as only Dee could do. The girls took a deep breath and joined Dee in eating their friend out of the chocolate shell.

DEE

After about twenty minutes of vigorous eating Poopsie emerged slightly disorientated. "For once I'm glad you like to bite," she exclaimed throwing her arms around the girls.

"That was weird." Dee shook off the thank you and went to a far corner to expel the mass quantities of chocolate. The mere sound of her vomiting turned the other girls green. They too began to vomit. Mr. William Wonka
was so grossed out that he had them all ejected out of the factory.

Feeling rather woozy and quite sore, the girls looked around. They were in the middle of a large field of poppies...they all began to feel sleepy except for JED who was immune to the effects.

JED

All of the girls minus JED laid down in the field and began to snooze. JED freaked out and kept running back and forth, shaking each of the girls' shoulders, trying to wake them up! "Of all the lousy times..." JED muttered as she sat down, giving up. Little to her knowledge, Glenda the Good Witch of the North decided to help JED and her friends. Soon, magical marshmallows began to fall from the sky, gently pelting each of the girls who were asleep. These marshmallows had a secret potion in them that when they hit the girls, it woke them up. All of the girls got up, except Dee.

She just groaned and rolled over, mumbling, "Just one more minute, Mom. Please!" But the 4 girls, and Zarbon, picked Dee up, waking her up fully.

TONYA

In the distance the group could see a huge emerald limestone mansion. A butterfly fluttered by and landed on Jed's raised her hand. "She says that's the great Emerald Mansion were the Wizard of Odd hangs out."

"Then what are we waiting for?" asked Tonya, "Let's go."  

Jumping onto the red brick road that happened to be right next to them, they skipped off down the road singing, "Were off to see the wizard..."  

POOPSIE

Suddenly the music stopped because no one could remember the rest of the words, but merrily along they skipped. In the distance, they could see the emerald city and though they were tired, hungry and needed a potty break, they kept going. Suddenly, the girls found the path blocked by a brick wall. On the wall were two doors.

"So now which way do we go?" asked Sally.

"I think we should go that way." said Tonya pointing to the door on the left.

The girls looked at each other, "Are you sure?" asked Jed remembering their little trip to Manhattan.

"Uh... not really" Tonya replied.

"I think we should go that way,” said Poopsie pointing to the door on the right.

The girls looked at each other "Why, do you think there is a driveway down that way?" asked Sally remembering the many fateful trips to mentor.

Poopsie said a few choice words that will be edited here, but in the end they did go through the door on the right. As soon as all of them had made it through, they stood and looked around in horror, but none of the made a sound. For they knew if they did, they would certainly attract Mentorians.

SALLY

"I have an idea," Sally whispered to the group. "We need to find the trampoline." The girls began to comb the small town and found the mysterious Trampoline of Mentor in a large yard of green grass. "Everyone onto the Trampoline," Sally explained. All six adventurers climbed up onto the trampoline. "Okay now, we start jumping and the power of the trampoline will transport us safely to another location."

Everyone grabbed hands and began to bounce up and down on the trampoline. As the squeaky springs began to moan, angry Mentorians in their light colored clothing began to gather around the trampoline and shout at the trespassers. But as they continued to jump higher, they left the cross Mentorians far below.

DEE

The girls seemed to transcend through space forever. Clouds floated by endlessly and then, all at once the girls came to a crashing halt on the ground. Everyone lay dog piled, their arms and legs sticking out at weird angles.

"Hey get your butt out of my face JED," Dee exclaimed. With a mighty shove she pushed JED aside and freed herself. The girls began to curse and moan but stopped abruptly after seeing the glorious sight before them.

"Holy Shit!" Dee exclaimed.  "The gates to the emerald city!" Poopsie finished.

As they all stood in wonderment, JED broke the silence, "Here we go again!" she whooped. The girls all stared up in horror as a flock of evil flying monkeys descended upon them.

JED

"I WANT MY MOMMY!" all the girls screamed out as the evil flying monkeys drew closer and closer, their sharp claws and feet reaching to rip flesh from bone. Suddenly, everyone heard a car pull up and come to a screeching
halt in front of the Gates of the Emerald City.

"I dunno 'bout you all, but that looks like the Bat mobile to me," Sally said, giggling.

And, sure enough, the door opened up and Val Kilmer and Chris O'Donnell popped out of the vehicle, in full Batman and Robin gear. Dee, Tonya, Sally, and Poopsie looked at Chris and then at Jessica. And at that moment, Jessica's jaw dropped, her eyes bugged, and she passed out. But when she came back to, it wasn't Chris O'Donnell anymore---it was DAVID BOWIE dressed as ROBIN?!?!?!

TONYA

David Bowie did a little magic hand movement and a glass ball appeared in his hand. He flung in at the monkeys, but they just laughed and hit it back. It slammed into the hood of the car, denting the hood. The two men looked at each other in terror before diving back into the car and roaring away. The glass ball rolled off the car and came to rest at Dee's feet.  She scooped it up gleefully and shouted, "I have David Bowie's Ball!"

"Great," Tonya said, "But we're still gonnna die." Zarbon, the only calm one of the group, stepped forward and raised his hands. With a shout, he vaporized all the monkeys, their ashes falling to earth like snow.

POOPSIE

"EWW!!" Poopsie said dusting the monkey dust out of her pigtails.

"I'd rather have them in this form than in the form of chilled monkey brains."

"Good point." Poopsie agreed. Then suddenly the girls heard a strange sound coming from behind them... the large doors of the emerald city slowly started to open.

SALLY

And behold, before them the great majestic doors of emerald gems parted to reveal the great city. A great light issued forth, basking the weary travelers in its glow. The group shaded their eyes and turned their heads as the light blossomed into an intense glare, then as the doors approached their resting place, the light dimmed and the group stepped hesitantly over the threshold. The miraculous city came into view, an architectural marvel. The streets curved and dipped, the buildings bowed and bulged as if they could fall at any moment. And despite the green of the surrounding wall, the city itself was bedazzled with bright colors, many of which the foreigners had never seen. It looked like they were inside a psychedelically painted MC Escher world.

DEE

Inside the castle, everyone sighed with relief. A giant figure emerged from around the corner. The girls stepped back cautiously. Then, to their surprise, Lurch stepped forward out of the shadows. "Dude, isn't that the
butler from the Addam's family?" Dee asked. Lurch grunted and motioned for them to follow.

"Could this possibly get any stranger?" Tonya groaned.

JED

Winding down a road paved with emeralds, the girls and Zarbon followed Lurch.

"I think that this is the weirdest part of the trip so far," JED said out loud. Just at that moment, she screamed. Dee and Poopsie twitched and Sally turned around to glare at JED.

"What's wrong this time?" Sally asked, annoyed.

"It's...It's..." JED stuttered out. Sally looked over to where JED's finger was pointing and started to laugh at what she saw. Tonya, who now felt Sally's eyes upon her, and she flipped back her hair from her face.

"What?" Tonya asked, an devilish grin crossing her face.

"Oh, good grief," JED said, "I thought that you were Cousin It!" Tonya laughed along with Sally.

"No," Dee said to them. She pointed. "THAT'S Cousin It!" They all turned around and looked. Sure enough, it was the longhaired Addams family member!

TONYA

“Umm…Lurch?” Tonya asked.  The tall man paused.  “Are you taking us to see the wizard of odd?” she asked.   He shook his head but pointed to an interestingly crooked and strangely creepy emerald mansion at the end of the road (driveway?).  On the porch stood the rest of the Addams family.

“Welcome, friends,” Gomez said, “What brings you to our fine house?”

“We’re looking for the wizard of odd,” Sally said, “We were told he lived in the emerald mansion.”

“Only for a little while,” Wednesday said, “While his castle was being restored.”

“Yeah,” Pugsley added, “After that invasion of hippies his place was a complete wreck.”

“Can you tell us where his castle is?” Poopsie asked politely.

The family pointed across the spooky, fog shrouded graveyard to the left.

“He lives in a castle made of psychedelic sponge cake.  Follow the trail of the jackolope and you can’t miss it,” Mortisha said.

POOPSIE

Poopsie blinked.. "A castle made of psychedelic sponge cake?" Mortisha simply nodded, and the group followed the direction of the family's pointing fingers

The Castle was of course on the top of a steep hill... and though it was light where the girls were standing, black night surrounded the castle and as the girls looked at it a lighting bolt flew from the sky, nearly hitting it, followed by a terribly loud thunder clap. Even as far away as it was, they could hear creepy organ music playing and the maniac laughter of the crazy person who was playing it.. Bats hovered around the castle and a vulture perched on the roof keeping a sharp eye out for intruders.

Then without anyone else noticing, Poopsie reached over and hit the button on the special effects machine. The sky cleared and the booming thunder stopped. Slowly the sun began to shine on the castle and birds began to
fly around it and sing happily replacing the sound of the organ music. The cardboard vulture fell back into its place out of sight and the bats all just simply disappeared. Just then a cute little furry rabbit hopped out from behind a bush and waved at them.

"Hi! Are you guys going to see the wizard?" he asked.

"Well, we're trying to..." Answered Poopsie

"Follow me!" he said happily and started to hop down the road giggling. They started following him and had walked about a block when the girls all noticed that their surroundings were animated. It was something straight out of a Disney movie... and not only were their surroundings animated... so were they!!

SALLY

“Bloody ‘ell,” said Zarbon.  The girls all looked at him.  “Just when I was getting used to being real.”

The girls giggled slightly.

”Well,” Dee commented, eyeing the singing trees and smiling sun.  “As long as this white rabbit doesn’t lead us down some stupid hole.”   The rabbit, smiling, stopped suddenly and pointed to a cave in the side of the
mountain they were climbing.  “Me and my big mouth!” Dee reprimanded herself.

Tonya shrugged and led the group through the dark opening.  Once inside all that was visible was the wide white eyes as everyone stared around them into the cave.

“Anyone got a light?” Sally asked.

DEE

"I got one", Dee said, then broke off one of her arms and lit it on fire with a cigarette lighter. The torch blazed brightly but reeked of burnt flesh. The other girls gagged at the stench.

"Geez Dee, that was sick", Sally chastised.

"Yeah, well at least we can see!"

Again she had spoken to soon. The rabbit wasn't really cute and innocent at all. He was actually demonic. He had led them away from the castle and into a cave where he could devour them. 

"Look!" Jed shouted in horror...there in the very back sat the Wizard of Odd himself, shackled to the wall.

The terrible bunny laughed,"HAAHAAHAAHAHHAH!!!!!....

JED

"You know," JED began, "this just isn't right."  The entire group turned around to look at her, confusion in their eyes. 

"What do you mean...isn't right?" Dee asked as her arm continued to put out a bright blaze. 

"WELL!"  JED exclaimed---she went over and stood by the rabbit.  The rabbit continued to cackle its evil laugh.  "This is NOT a little bunny rabbit!"  JED said.  She then moved her hand over to the rabbit's face and pulled hard to reveal that it had been a mask! "And you're REAL culprit?"

The group gasped as they saw the face of the one...the only...Barry Bostwick!

TONYA

"And now that I have you and the Wizard, I can take over the land of Odd without interference!" Barry shouted then did a very Boboish laugh.  "You stupid girls," he crowed, pushed Jessica back, and pulled a lever.  A cage
dropped down on them from the ceiling trapping them all.  "Don't you idiots know the difference between a Jackolope and a Rabbit?"  The group just looked at each other. 

Barry pointed to a small cage in the corner.  Though the gloom the girls could barely make out the form of a white rabbit with black points and small antelope horns.  It glared at the man and rattled the bars with it horns.

"What do you think of your superheroes now, Mr. Wizard," Barry said with a sneer.  The wizard didn't answer, so Barry moved closer.  "Going deaf?  I asked you a question!" he shouted and swung at the shackled man.  His hand went clean through the wizard's face.  "Wha...A HOLOGRAM!"

POOPSIE

"GEEZE! WILL THIS NEVER END!!!" Poopsie shouted as she threw her hands into the air.

"My guess... is no," replied Tonya as she continued to look at the hologram.

Barry Bostwick said a few choice words and then turned back to the girls.  "I have other matters that I must attend to right now, but don't you girls go anywhere.. I will return." With that he turned and left.

SALLY

The girls looked at each other and Poopsie smiled.

"Someone grab the Jackolope," advised Tonya. Zarbon picked up the cage as the group all joined hands and Poopsie teleported them out of Barry Bostwick's lair.

They were now standing in the middle of a meadow, about halfway closer to the psychedelic sponge cake mansion then they had been before.

"Wow," Sally observed, "Good positioning, there Poopsie."

"Why thank you," the Poopsie-tailed girl replied.   "Alright, now, let's let this creature go so we can follow it."

"You know what the mother rabbit said about her son after he got married without anyone knowing?" Jed asked.

"Huh?" the whole group looked at her.

"Jack eloped!"

Everyone stared at Jessica.

"Get it... Jack eloped... Jackolope!" She shook her head, "You guys are hopeless."


DEE

"Oh for Pete sake!" Dee exclaimed waving her stump of an arm, "I'm not going to even dignify that with a response." Tired of all the strange and unusual crap that had happened over and over and over again, Dee walked over, grabbed the jackalope and set him on the ground. "Okay, you dirty little bastard....TAKE US TO THE FRIGGIN CASTLE!!!"

The rabbit looked at her in shocked surprise, "Geez, don't get your panties in a wad," he huffed, "follow me and I'll take you to it."

Everyone threw their arms in the air and said in unison, "It's about time!" So off the rabbit went, and the girls followed warily along. After trudging through the meadow for about fifteen minutes, the grass suddenly ended, and there right in front of them were the castle gates.  

"Rock on!", Dee said excitedly. The girls all hugged and laughed with joy. Just as Sally reached up to open the gate, a small hand shot out to stop her.

"Not so fast..." a midget Tim Curry exclaimed. Everyone looked at him in dismay. Tim looked longingly into Dee’s eyes, "I've been all over the land of odd lookin’ for you and then, when I had all but given up -there was Barry Bostwick-he told me where to find you my little love muffin..... “

JED

The entire group groaned again---with one exception.  Before they knew it, Dee was ran past them and tackled the midget Tim into the bushes near the gates, screaming out "BAGOK!!!!!"

"Holy midget madness!" Poopsie said to Sally, giggling.  The rest of them laughed along with Sally.

And before they knew it, Dee came out of the bushes, smoking a cigarette. 'Crazy bastard," she muttered.  "It was a fight, but it worked."  And with that, they all saw the midget Tim Curry crawl along the ground, gagged, his eyes in a haze.  Dee stood over him and laughed.  She then held up two metallic balls and said, "If I can't have David Bowie's balls, then I WILL have yours!"

TONYA

Tonya pulled a script from her back pocket and flipped through it.  She held it for Dee and the rest to see.  "But Dee, you got One of David Bowie's Balls 15 scenes/paragraphs ago," she said. 

"Oh," Dee said, then shrugged and pocketed the balls.  "Doesn't really matter does it?  I can just say I have more balls than most men."

"Can we get on with this journey?" Zarbon asked.  "Before anything else weird happens?"

"Define weird," Sally quipped.

"Odd, unusual, not normal," a voice answered.

"Oh great," Zarbon grumbled as they spotted the tree that had spoken. (Yes it was a tree, elm if I’m not mistaken.)

"If your going to see the wizard, I would warn you to beware of the challenges," the tree said.

"Challenges?" Poopsie asked.

"Those who want to see the wizard must pass three challenges.  They are different for each person/group and are tuned to their special qualities,” the tree answered.

POOPSIE

"Special qualities... hmm.. that could be interesting indeed." She paused a moment. "Does anyone even remember why exactly we were going to go see the wizard anyway?"

Everyone looked at each other with blank stares. "Well..." Tonya said, again pulling out the handy script. "Sally needed a new roommie, Dee needed stamps, Jed needed to find her true love, Zarbon needed to be seen by other people, I needed sanity, and you needed a new computer... and we couldn't find Toto."

"And I think the wicked witch has Knut.." Sally added.

"Oh... that's right.. I guess we've been doing this for so long, I had kind of forgotten." Poopsie said and then paused for a moment. "Hold on.. Does the witch still have Knut?"

"Oh no! Knut!!" The group exclaimed. Then as if on cue, the witch appeared, holding Knut.

SALLY

Flying in on her Hoover Bagless Vacuum the Witch landed gracefully in front of the gate that led to the Psychedelic Sponge Cake Mansion. In her green knarled hand was the yellow figure of Knut, son of the Great Knadfree, staring determinately up at them as if knowing that they would and could do anything to free him from the evil clutches he was literally in. The scene before the travelers emboldened them.

Zarbon fired a Ki blast. The witch flung up her cloak, and it deflected the flames. “I learned that lesson last time,” she cackled. Sally’s telekinetic mind tried to pry Knut from the Witch’s fingers, but she only cackled more.

JED lit up a joint and blew it into the witch’s face. She breathed in deeply. “I lived through the sixties, my pretty. I’ve huffed plenty stronger than that.”

Tonya threw up her leg to kick the hand holding Knut, and knock him free from her clutches, but the witch was too quick and Tonya kicked her vacuum instead.

Poopsie tried to enter the witch’s mind to make her drop Knut, but she could not penetrate they thick green head.

Dee winked and strutted toward the witch, who looked down her sharp crooked nose at her. “Sorry, dear, I don’t swing that way.”

The Witch looked them all over. She had defeated them, but the one person who could defeat her lay beyond the gate which now opened, revealing six doors.

“Each must pick a path,” the talking tree explained. “A separate path. Each and everyone of you must pass to the other side, or none will see the Wizard.”

“Oh, I’ve got to get a good seats for these failures!” She cackled and disappeared in a puff of smoke with Knut still helpless in her grasp.

The girls and Zarbon all turned to each other and cast weary looks, then headed toward their respective doors.

DEE

Exasperated and quite fed up, Dee threw her hands into the air and yelled, "I've had just about as much of this crap as I can take!" She marched strait over to Tonya and demanded that she fly her up as high as they could go.

"Why?" Tonya asked.

"Do it or I shall beat you with a suitcase full of bricks!" Dee roared.  

"Geeze!" Tonya replied shaking her head. 

She put her arms around Dee's waist and they proceed to fly up, up, and up.  All at once Tonya gasped in surprise, for above all the doors was one giant flat roof. Dee hopped off onto the roof and instructed Tonya to
bring the rest of the girls up. As soon as they had all gathered on the rooftop, Dee motioned for them to follow and they did. They walked on for about five minutes and then abruptly smacked right into the Wizard Himself.

"Gosh," Sally said in amazement, "you’re the wizard!"

The wizard smiled, "None other. Since you have proven that you are wise and chose brain over brawn I shall consider all of your requests. I will ask you one question and IF your answer pleases me, I will send you home.
If not... YOU MUST START OVER FROM THE BEGINNING!" The girls all stared at him in mock horror then he spoke, "Here is the question: What is the air speed velocity of a laden swallow?"

JED

Sally, who was first in line, giggled.  "THAT IS NOT CORRECT!" the Wizard said, as Sally went flying into the deep and endless abyss.

"HEY!"  Dee hollered out, who was next in line.  "That's not FA--AAAAAUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGggggghhhhhh......"  her voice went silent as she was the next to be tossed in. 

Tonya, who was next with Zarbon holding her hand, leaned over the edge of the deep and cavernous abyss, cocked her head, and chirped.  And as Jed and Poopsie watched in horror, Tonya was ALSO tossed down to follow Sally and Dee.  The two remaining girls looked at each other, their eyes wide.

"You first," Poopsie said, offering a hand out towards the Wizard. 

Jed shook her head.  "Uh-uh.  Short people first!" 

"I'll decide who goes first," boomed out the Wizard. 

With magic, Poopsie floated so that she was suspended above the abyss.  Looking down, she kinda grinned and said, "You know, Jed, this kinda reminds me of in Edward's class when he was talking about the GREAT ABYSS
OF SAA---AAAAAUUUUUUUUGGGGgggghhhh...." And Poopsie was gone. 
Shivering in fear, Jed thought to herself, "Oh, GREAT!  I NEVER can remember the correct line!!!"

TONYA

Just then a swallow carrying a large package landed in front of Jessica. It shook itself then resettled its wings and glared at the Wizard.  “Do you know,” it began, speaking with an English accent, “how difficult it is to maintain a constant proper velocity of 20 mph when fully laden?”  It hopped of the package.  “It is very difficult indeed, but here is your package, Mr. Wizard.”

POOPSIE

Jed stared at the wizard, then at the bird, and then at the wizard again with a look of confusion.  “Eh Hem!” the bird interrupted.  “I said…Do you know how…hard…it is…to maintain,” he spoke slowly, “a constant velocity…of
20…”

“Wait!” JED suddenly shouted in excitement.  “I know!”  The bird smiled, and relaxed, but all too soon.  “The answer is…25!” 

The bird rolled his eyes and the wizard slapped his forehead.  “Good grief,” he sighed.  “No, that is not the correct answer.”

SALLY

"AaaeeeHeheeheeeheeeeeeHooooie" JED's voice faded as she sunk into the oblivion below.

Zarbon walked up the roof toward him.  "Do you really have to use that thing in order to smile?"

The Wizard sighed, his dark robes billowing in the wind. "Do you always have to ruin my fun, Zarbon?" He asked as he removed his tall pointed hat with a crook in it.  As he did so the great crevasse dissipated as did the roof top they were standing on, returning him to the reality of the cave.  Techno set the head piece on the lab table.

"That holographic projector is going to fry your brain," Zarbon warned with a smirk. "What was it this time... beach babes… virtual hacking?"